Jacob Sands Friedberg
The sun rose with particular grace and pride that morning, as if to say something great were going to take place that day, to be more precise, at 6:28 AM.
The clouds, billowed and bloomed as they had never done before, and there, in the middle of the thick canopy, a little hole opened - too small to see the sun - but there it was, beaming down with great dignity. To be exact, the hole was directly above Mercy Hospital, Baltimore, Maryland.
And down, down from the heavens, like manna of yore, came a little bundle of goodness, a ball of joy, a perfect angel. The bundle floated down to the hospital with unmatched grace, a beam of light following its descent. To be quite explicit, the bundle was a baby.
When the child arrived in the hospital, all whose eyes gazed upon the child's gorgeous face momentarily forgot all their troubles, and were, for a short while, completely and utterly happy. The baby's parents were filled with love and care for their precious gift from above. To be very clear, they named the child Jacob.
And what an angel the child was. Jacob lived a happy life, always perfect at everything he did. No one ever argued with him, and he never argued with anyone. Everyone liked Jacob and elected him Supreme Ruler of the entire planet. Peace ruled the world while Jacob reigned, Mars and the Moon were colonized. The deep sea discovered, along with the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle, Atlantis. All was well, until, like the reign of King Arthur, Jacob died, like King Arthur, at an extremely old age. The world was in grieving for several days, and then the human race proceeded to destroy itself.
In this paper I will discuss the origin and meanings of that great name, Jacob Sands Friedberg. Let us look at the name piece by piece, then as a whole.
Jacob
The name Jacob was given to Jacob Sands Friedberg in memory of his great Grandfather, Jacob "Foxy" Friedberg. I will now go into depth about Mr. Friedberg the elder, as to maximize knowledge of why Jacob, the younger, was named after Jacob the elder.
Jacob Friedberg, the elder, did not have a middle name. His grandchild, Jeremy Friedberg, and all of his other grandchildren called him “Foxy.” This was because Jacob used to play practical jokes on them, thus, Jacob's wife, Jenny, would proclaim that Jacob was being "Foxy".” This is how Jacob Friedberg gained the name "Foxy"
Jacob Friedberg was born the son of an poor immigrant, living on a meager potato farm in New York State. Jacob was born in 1905 and passed away in 1990, three years before Jacob, the younger, graced this planet. Jacob, the elder, was 84 when he moved on. Throughout his life Jacob, the elder, accomplished many great tasks, some of super human stature, that dazzled and awed Jeremy enough to make him name Jacob, the younger, after the elder.
Jacob Friedberg began a tradition among Friedbergs which upholds to this day. He was short, 5'6", to be exact. He was a lawyer. He wasn't very religious, instead, he was an ethical humanist. And he was good at sports in which the participant swung their hand at a ball.
Jacob found the money to get an education, and to see himself through law school. Jacob was the first white man in all of New York City to have a black law partner. Jacob was a heavy supporter of Unions and even went to the Supreme Court for the Liquor Worker Union. Jacob played basketball in high school and college. He boxed and would have gone pro if he had not gone to law school. He was the Miami handball champion into his late 70's. He was quite the jokester and comedian; he also cared very much about his family. It is for all these reasons that Jacob the younger is named after Jacob Friedberg.
Sands
Sands was a family name on Jacob Sands Friedberg's mother's uncle's mother's aunt's nephew's cousin's cousin's sister's side. In other words, it was a family name on Jacob's mom's side.
Friedberg
The last name Friedberg was originally Kugel, before the Friedbergs came to the United States. The name Friedberg was assigned to the Kugels at Ellis Island.
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Now that Jacob Sands Friedberg’s name has been fully addressed, I will tell of Jacob Sands Friedberg’s great life.
Jacob was born on June 29, 1993, and what a wonderful day it was, but I will try to refrain from adding side commentary as I retell the story of this great man, nay, leader, nay, perfect being's, life.
Jacob considered himself, “Responsible, handsome, dedicated, fair, slightly dictatorial, which helped me in my first few years in power. The people needed a slight nudge.”
Jacob recounts several important childhood events for national hologram, they are shown below:
“When I was a little kid, about five, I was in the classroom and the teacher asked who had gotten paint on the wall. It was most likely the people wearing painting smocks. I couldn't understand why they didn't fess up. It really confused me until a few years later.”
“When I was six to eight years old I used to lie all the time. I would lie about the most unimportant things. 'Did you wash your hands?' 'Did you let the dog out?' 'Did you flush the toilet?' I suppose it was because of my young child instincts that I lied about all of these things, it certainly wasn't because I ever got away with lying. No sir, my dad always found out. I can remember nights spent in my room, hours on the steps.
It was during this time period that I realized why those kids back in Primary wouldn't tell the truth. It was because they knew that they could not say anything and get away with lying because no one would really look. I think it is because my dad did really look to find out if I was lying, that I no longer lie. At all.”
Jacob was the eldest of five, and loved his siblings very much. He attended the Montessori School of Westminster from preschool up until eighth grade. He later moved on to Westminster High, the local high school. For his undergraduate education, Jacob attended Wooster, and graduated with seventeen degrees: Psychology, Global Functions, Spanish Interpreter, French Interpreter, and Politics, just to name a few.
After Jacob graduated from college, he began to work at the White House slowly working his way up until he was voted president, at 29. It took some time for the Constitution to be amended, thus legally allowed Jacob to be president. It wasn't a problem though, the opposing Democrat and Republican parties even donated money to help Jacob with his charity, instead of waste money in a campaign against Jacob
Once Jacob had become the President of the United States, he began to make peace among the other nations and settle all of the U.S.'s debt. Jacob also started his world wide “Save the Earth” campaign.
The “Save the Earth” campaign lowered the amount of carbon dioxide produced into the atmosphere by passing laws stating how much carbon dioxide each country could produce, thus making the world use more “green” materials, such as: hydrogen and electric cars, more wind and solar power, also the invention of a device which turned carbon dioxide into oxygen. On top of all this, Jacob went door to door, hut to hut, hobbit hole, to hobbit hole, all over the world and talked to people about using less disposable materials. However, the most helpful thing in many’s eyes was Jacob's reinstatement of trees in the world.
When Jacob turned 40, the leaders of the world called a meeting, in which they declared that Jacob Sands Friedberg would be the Supreme Ruler of the World. With this great title came much power and control, along with many perks. However, the position also entailed much responsibility!
Notwithstanding the massive temptation, Jacob took this new responsibility in a modest way, vowing to never abuse his power, and to always fight for good and to strive for justice, to pursue equality and righteousness. And that is exactly what he did.
The world lived in a complete utopia. The public knew everything that the government was doing because the government had nothing to hide. It seemed like the world was in a trance, not really doing anything, but it was, in fact, the opposite. Because of the world's sudden peace it seemed like nothing was happening in the world, however the peace gave the world time to heal itself from almost certain destruction – green house gases, nuclear war – thus saving the planet, making Jacob even more admirable.
As Jacob approached his mid fifties, he began to start reaching out, and up, towards space. Jacob slowly began to colonize the moon, giving away tickets to anyone who dared leave the comfort of Earth to calm the new frontier. People flocked to the Moon, which helped Earth in two ways. Firstly, the world's population was diminished creating more space and more food for those still on Earth – those on the moon grew their own food in specially cultivated gardens – which helped the planets ecosystem, along with the “Save the Earth.” Secondly, It was mostly Earth's small number of poor and unfortunate leaving for the moon, seeking for a new life among the stars. This helped the planet by helping to eliminate slums and nameless folk.
Soon there was a fully functional space station capable of supporting 300 scientists and engineers. The Moon was completely colonized, and that is when Jacob's eye was attracted by the red orb in the sky, Mars.
The first man had walked on Mars shortly before Jacob had come into power, but during all of the civil unrest on Earth, Mars was completely forgotten, forgotten that is, until Jacob remembered.
Now, once again, the Mars rush was in full swing. Getting people to Mars provided more of a challenge than the Moon. It was over five times as many light years away from Earth as the Moon is. This obstacle didn't last long; with advances in nuclear space travel, getting to Mars became just a matter of time.
Seven years after Jacob publicly declared the Earth would first send a team scientist, explorers, experts and other qualified personal to Mars. To provide the building blocks for a later expedition, the day had arrived.
People were lined up for miles around the launch site, some eager space goers had been camping out there for weeks to ensure their spot in the line to Mars, those unfortunate, only a few days.
The uninformed passerby may have mistaken it for a bomb testing or a crash of some type, but the launch of the first domestic flight to Mars was something more, something greater. It symbolized centuries of hard work and exploration of many peoples. It also symbolized the coming of a new dawn, the second exploration, not of the new world but the new worlds, and it was a because of Jacob' s hard work and perseverance.
Sadly, though, the colonizing of Mars was the last of Jacobs great achievements. For it took a lot out of him, so many trips back and forth, so much worry if things would turn out alright, and Jacob's old age. Jacob was nearly ninety when Mars was finally and fully, colonized. For those last few years Jacob tried raising a successor, but none fit his liking, so Jacob passed away at the age of 96, without a successor.
After Jacob passed away, the Earth and all of it extremities stayed relatively calm, as if testing new waters, no one wanted to upset the perfect balance so the world stayed in peace. It would have stayed that way if one single event hadn't occurred. The conquest of Mars by a terrorist organization that had sprung up like a weed after its careful gardener had left. The conquest of Mars sent the world into panic, and during this chaos the world reverted to the days before Jacob. The Earth involved in a nuclear war, Mars a terrorist base, the Moon attempting to wall itself up from the outside world, but failing.
And so, here I write the biography of our greatest leader erased by savage human instinct, and forgotten by most. As I sit here in an old fallout shelter, from the days before Jacob, I wish I could relive those days forever. Escaping today’s destruction and chaos, escape back to the days of Jacob Sands Friedberg, Supreme Ruler of the World.
With that thought I wish to journey back to that heavenly land among the clouds, filled with the just and right. I wish to go there, back to whence Jacob came.
Word Count: 2159 Date: 05/04/2007